We probably all know someone in an abusive relationship who keeps on making excuses for the person abusing them; it is either the abuser is being controlled by some evil spirit or that the abuser in question is not as bad as people may think. Unfortunately for those making excuses for them, it is a pity that abusers are fully aware of what they do to their victims. There is nothing like not being able to control their emotions. Their actions are manipulative and well calculated, aimed at keeping their victims under control. Unfortunately, their victims are always the first to make excuses for them.
Tactics used by abusers to control their victims
They dominate; in a bit to feel in charge, they will want to control every aspect of the relationship. They will always want to be the one to make decisions in the relationship and they expect the other person to just accept their decisions like a puppet. They will treat their victims in substandard ways.
They humiliate; the only way the abuser can control is if they succeed to make their victim feel very bad and worthless. That is why they will humiliate their victim and use verbal abuse to make them lose their self esteem. By the time they are done with their victims, the victims will be so degraded and humiliated that they may believe no other person will ever want to have them in their lives. As such they continue to stay in the abusive relationship.
They isolate; one thing an abuser is very aware of is the fact that there are people in their victim’s life who can spot that they are being abusive. As such the abuser will do all to try and keep their victims from such people. They are very good at telling their victims to stay away from friends that they have known all their life and even their family.
They threaten; their number one weapon is the use of threats. They are either threatening to hurt or to kill. They will use abusive language on their victim. They may not even hesitate to threaten the kids just so the victim will stay.
They intimidate; they are people who are insecure and so they try to show their control by forcing themselves on others. They know that it can never last forever so they use intimidation to keep their victims in check. They will shout and break things and even display knives or guns as a way of telling their victim that they are ready to use force and violence if necessary.
They transfer blame; have you ever seen anyone who is always blaming others for their problems? Then you may be looking at a potential abuser. These people are so egocentric they make really laughable excuses. They will blame their childhood experience for their lapses today, they will blame their bad behaviour on what happened at work, and they will even blame their bad behaviour on their victim. With them, it is always someone else and never them.
Before you start trying to make excuses for an abuser, know that they can control themselves if they want to. Actually, they show control every day since it is only to the victim that they may be showing such abusive behaviour. To know that they are perfectly in control;
They choose the people to abuse
They choose where and when to abuse
They will stop their abusive behaviour if there is something to benefit them
They will hit their victim where they hope others wouldn’t see.
Domestic violence; abusers choose to be violent – http://wp.me/p5J4b0-7M
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