Extreme Independence Is A Trauma Response

Swiped this from a friend ❤️

The inability to receive support from others is a trauma response.

Your “I don’t need anyone, I’ll just do it all myself” conditioning is a survival tactic. And you needed it to shield your heart from abuse, neglect, betrayal, and disappointment from those who could not or would not be there for you.

From the parent who was absent and abandoned you by choice or the parent who was never home from working three jobs to feed and house you.

From the lovers who offered sexual intimacy but never offered a safe haven that honored your heart.

From the friendships and family who ALWAYS took more than they ever gave.

From all the situations when someone told you “we’re in this together” or “I got you” then abandoned you, leaving you to pick up the pieces when shit got real, leaving you to handle your part and their part, too.

From all the lies and all the betrayals.

You learned along the way that you just couldn’t really trust people. Or that you could trust people, but only up to a certain point.

Extreme-independence IS. A. TRUST. ISSUE.

You learnt: if I don’t put myself in a situation where I rely on someone, I won’t have to be disappointed when they don’t show up for me, or when they drop the ball… because they will ALWAYS drop the ball EVENTUALLY right?

You may even have been intentionally taught this protection strategy by generations of hurt ancestors who came before you. #generationaltrauma #ancestraltrauma

Extreme-independence is a preemptive strike against heartbreak.

So, you don’t trust anyone.

And you don’t trust yourself, either, to choose people.

To trust is to hope, to trust is to be vulnerable.

“Never again,” you vow.

But no matter how you dress it up and display it proudly to make it seem like this level of independence is what you always wanted to be, in truth it’s your wounded, scarred, broken heart behind a protective brick wall.

Impenetrable. Nothing gets in. No hurt gets in. But no love gets in either.

Fortresses and armor are for those in battle, or who believe the battle is coming.

It’s a trauma response.

The good news is trauma that is acknowledged is trauma that can be healed.

You are worthy of having support.
You are worthy of having true partnership.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of having your heart held.
You are worthy to be adored.
You are worthy to be cherished.

You are worthy to have someone say, “You rest. I got this.” And actually deliver on that promise.

You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.
You are worthy to receive.

You are worthy.

You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to prove it.
You don’t have to bargain for it.
You don’t have to beg for it.

You are worthy.
Worthy.
Simply because you exist.

I love you. I like you. I life you.

Let’s heal!

🖤

*Credit: This post is an edited version of an original post by Jamila White. (FB: @inspiredjamila, IG: @inspired.jamila)

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By Kenneth T.

My blog, My way Welcome to a little piece of my life. Here you will find things concerning my everyday experiences and or my thoughts on everyday happenings. For instance you may find thoughts of my Farmstead, which is as my wife calls it, our Accidental Farming life. Perhaps on a whim, I might just jump on a soap box about what's going on with my crazy family (the immediate one, that is).~You don't need to put a penny in the coin slot for any commentary there~ You may find, new additions to what I call "Hobby-time". Ahh yes, my hobby... I make pinback buttons (some call them badges). Sorry for the shameful plug ;-) *** And then there is the outside the box or "Offtrack" thinking, part of me. Which can be anything else from aliens to the zoology of the Loch Ness monster, but will probably be more mundane as health concerns, for instance, to vaccinate or not. Is the Earth Flat or is it Hollow? Is there a dome? Is any of it real? Do you really want to know? Police brutality and the continuing corruption of established government, Big Business, Big Oil, Big Brother. Can we survive? Should we survive? The coming montrary collapse. There is so much going on, more then we see outside our windows.

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