She is doing wonderful, thanks for asking!
My daughter died just three weeks ago, and since that time we have uncovered things that she was keeping to herself, but more importantly are the things she was not keeping.
Things that make that list;
She had no life insurance, no Will, no power of attorney, so there is (uhh) that problem; we have no “legal” right to have custody of her child; our only grandchild, nor are we able to locate a birth certificate. (We do have have a social security card though, that’s a plus, right?)
*just breathe, just breathe*
No tax records from last year, or any year, for that matter. We are also stuck with her last payroll check, her bank (our bank) says they will not honor. First, the bank claims that she has never had an account, then they said her account was closed because she had overdrawn her account (there’s more to that story, I promise you). Which is it, no account or overdrawn account? ~but I digress
*just breathe, just breathe*
Then there is a cell phone, we can not unlock, a facebook account we can not administer.
*just breathe, just breathe*
Please, for the sake of all that matters… please be prepared. If you’re young, write out a Will, make a power of attorney. Plan your estate. Be prepared. If you’re older, and you haven’t already done so, do the same. Don’t leave your estate in limbo, or worse; let the government determine who gets what. Even if you have nothing, who will take care of your final matters, without something in place.
This has been a wake up call even for my wife and I. We have so much left to do. We should not leave things undone.
Sure, the dead have no worries, but why make more stress for the living?
… oh yeah, anyone willing to adopt any one my late daughters three cats?
Take care of what matters, or someone else will.
Be prepared… and breathe, just breathe.
Kimberlee J. Deinema
MIDWAY – Kimberlee J. Deinema, 25, passed away on Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2017, at home.
She lived in Midway the past four years and was a longtime resident of New Hampshire and Illinois. She worked at the 204 Animal Hospital. She was a unique and loving person with a compassion for animals.
She is survived by one daughter, Kennedy Beal; mother and stepfather, Karen and Kenneth Taylor of Midway; father, Jeffery Deinema of Chicago; four siblings, Blaine Deinema, Stephen Deinema, Cole Fogel and Katherine Fogel; maternal grandmother, Beverly Seeley; and several cousins, aunts and uncles.
A memorial service will be held at 3 p.m. Saturday, Jan. 28, 2017, at Carter Funeral Home Bryan Chapel in Richmond Hill. A reception will follow.
Carter Funeral Home Bryan Chapel will oversee the arrangements.
Like a butterfly waking from its cocoon, Kimberlee is flying high
”THIS” is not my personal story but one that needs to be repeated.
Sadly, it has now come to my family.
Heroin use and overdoses are skyrocketing. Deaths have tripled since 2010, a fact that can often be dismissed until there’s a face to this reality.
Actor Philip Seymour Hoffman’s death in 2014 put a face on heroin addiction. But what if the most powerful face of the disease, at least to you, is your own son’s?
Our oldest son, Richie, became addicted to painkillers at 21 after he broke his wrist skateboarding. He moved from OxyContin to heroin when the former became too expensive and the latter was seen as a cheap substitute.
Richie became an addict over the span of a few short months in 2013. As soon as we discovered his addiction, he went to drug rehab and sought help. Home for the holidays, happy and clean, he was contacted by his old drug dealer, and in a moment of weakness, he relapsed and died at our home, literally in my arms, from a heroin overdose.
He is not alone.A hundred Americans die every day from drug overdose. Drug use currently affects 7 percent of the population, or about 16 million people, with youths now exhibiting a higher incidence of drug use than adults. Studies suggest that some 38,900 deaths occur annually from drug overdose.
Who can deny that this scourge is a profoundly moral issue? Instead of recognizing it for what it is and seeking national healing, many of us have called it “sin,” turning victims into perpetrators who are punished rather than treated as having a disease. The
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I am sharing this now… Something I never thought I would “personally” have stake in.
Death took my daughter, in an instant of weakness, he took her from her family.
If only my mother was still here. You see, she died (on this day) a few years ago. I didn’t take the time to tell her how much I loved her. Now she is gone, and all the things I never told her, she will never know.
So, last night my 24 year old daughter has my wife and I watch her baby (my precious granddaughter) while she goes to her friends 21st birthday party. My daughter meets them on River Street in Savannah to go “clubbing” I suppose.
This morning we are still watching “the baby”… sigh.
It seems that my daughter, having drunk so much, got a ride to her friends house (good thinking there) in Hinesville, leaving her car in Savannah. *I still don’t know who drove*
Anyways, now my daughter calls here, wanting my wife and/or I to go pick her up, in Hinesville, and take her to Savannah, to get her car.
Uhhh… What happened to “your” friend taking you back (as agreed), to get your car? The wife and I don’t go to Savannah, I’d rather play with fire.
She is a grown ass woman and it is not our responsibility.
Now where the hell are my matches? Oh never mind, anyone know how to start a fire with two sticks?
I’ve got a fire to start. Grrrrr
… But only for the living, I’m sorry to say.
I started my life in a time where it was (relatively) safe. I could play outside, go door to door selling my school sponsored candy or gift wrap, go trick or treating, go to the lake by myself, ride my bicycle 5 miles to school (10 miles to work after school) and so on……. so much more…..
BUT NO LONGER!
*sadly it’s getting worse, not better*
Here at the Taylor House, we celebrate our version of Christmas (much like the traditional/commercialized one) in July. We don’t call it Christmas, but instead have renamed, it for our purposes, to Giftmas. Yes, we put up a tree, decorating it like everyone else. Yes, we put up a few outdoor lights, we are the only ones in the neighborhood with a colorful house in July. Yes, we also wrap up gifts to be given out to family members (mostly the children).
Ahh Giftmas ***
So I’m in the middle of the yearly purchasing fiasco, putting the usual strain on the old credit accounts. But at the end of the day, everything will be right as rain. I am sure of that.
Got a request for Japanese candy, of all things. LoL! I never knew that it was a big seller, but sure enough, Amazon sells the stuff. It must be popular, foreign candy that is. You can get candy from places I’ve never even heard of.
I (sorta) like it this way, I don’t have to worry about the newest hottest games, toys, or what nots. You know, all that great stuff that comes out just before Christmas – the stuff that will most surely be broken and/or forgotten in a month or two. I don’t worry about those things. You see, while we do Giftmas in July, the kids will also have the more traditional Christmas when they spend time at their dad’s house in December. So for the kids, it’s the best of both worlds.
My biggest problem is what to get the wife. Hmmmm
*** No suggestions please, she reads this blog…….. I think. *** LoL
Cats and chicken eggs don’t mix well –
So sometime in the night this past evening, two cats belonging to my daughter decided to have a brawl on the kitchen counter. In the scuffle a basket of eggs (destined to be eaten) were instead laid to waste.
The cats in question already have a limited lease, but damn, where will it end… clawing the furniture, digging up the carpet, spraying in the corner. Sadly my daughter doesn’t see the destruction, but even if she did she doesn’t take criticism well.
I am an animal lover, but seriously these cats just have to go.
Just had our first snake in the tub incident, just minutes ago (yep, it’s true), too. My wife acted pretty much like this, screaming her head off “there’s a snake in the tub, there’s a snake in the tub”. Me taking my time (because that’s what I do, Mr calm and collected) had to come to the rescue. Mind you, I know why this snake is there, I just don’t know how he got there, unless it was up through the drain – which was plugged. We had just got a batch of chicks delivered two days ago and we have them in the tub until we have their brooder ready.
-Sadly one of the chicks was killed by this snake.- My wife is screaming her head off, the snake is flipping out. My wife goes to get a broom and dust pan, handing me the dust pan…. Uhhh…. I don’t think that’s gonna work for me. LoL! The snake is shaking it’s tail all the while so now she is convinced it’s a rattler (because she can hear it rattle). *sigh*
I capture the bloody beasty and put him in a coffee can
and then transport him down the road from where I live. And off he goes released back into the wild.
All in all we sadly lost a baby chicken and now my wife is afraid to use the bathroom.
Apparently, in Liberty county (perhaps the whole state) the definition of “abuse” is ONLY defined with violent behavior (as in physical) abuse, in mind. There are in fact different types of abuse, to include; sexual, physical verbal, emotional, academic, and psychological Abuse.
It’s a sad situation, when we tell my daughter what abuse is, AND the state is saying that what she is experiencing is not abuse. What the hell???
The state of Georgia is unable (or just unwilling) to help my daughter get away from her abusive boyfriend.
*These non profit organizations be damned!*
Happy happy fifth Anniversary to Karen and her husband!
Here’s to many many many more years together.
How mothers can support daughters coping with an abusive relationship
Are you a despairing mother whose daughter is in an abusive relationship and you’re at your wits end trying to work out how best to support her?
Have you opened your home time and time again, then your daughter comes home and you and your family try and help her through the drama she’s having with her abusive partner, but then she goes right back to him?
Is watching the way he treats your daughter breaking your heart?
Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you:
“We hardly ever get to see her …. It’s all a lot of small things — calling her names, abusive to the max, being unfaithful. It doesn’t matter what this boy does she takes him back.”
Another mother told me:
“My daughter and I and her dad are really close and love each other loads. My husband and I have always found his behaviour to her to be selfish, sexist, uncaring, disrespectful and at times cruel. When I visited her to talk about what we were seeing, her reaction was withdrawn and non-committal, she was very loving, but said we had blown it out of proportion.”
This mother was advised by Domestic Violence organisations not to push her daughter to take any action and to leave such decisions to her. Current research shows this is the best action in cases where coercive control is involved. But that may seem counter-intuitive to you. I’ll explain how to support your daughter below. Meantime, this mother went on to tell me some ways she tried to support her daughter. This mum’s approach is the recommended way, despite her daughter minimising her experience:
“I tried to keep checking on her — she always said things were fine and they were getting on well. Their wedding went ahead, he behaved very nicely in front of all the guests. All my friends said we were worrying needlessly — however he is very convincing. As time’s gone by my daughter became pale and ill looking, and seemed deeply unhappy. We noticed behavioural changes including she is now saying and doing things to try to please him even when totally against her character and interests. . . . . Recently she seems to be withdrawing from me in particular — doesn’t reply to my emails and avoids taking my calls. Again we told her our concerns about the changes we were seeing in her and about his behaviour towards her. But this time she vehemently denied everything, said she was happy, accused us of having it in for her husband and judging her marriage, and mostly refused even to hear our reasons for concern, so it was all very difficult. Taking her denials as a cue we didn’t mention the word ‘abuse’, we tried to keep it calm and play it down a bit, and at no time did we criticise her husband as a person – only some of his behaviour. I have to confess that I am finding it all a terrible strain and miss my daughter very badly, but realise that there is not much else that we or anyone can do at this stage other than, whenever possible, to monitor the situation, fight against the increasing estrangement of our daughter from us her family, give her a bit of relief from the relentless abuse every now and again if we get a chance to do so, and make sure that if we get a chance to let her know we are there for her.”
Imagine you’re a 13 year old girl in Middle School. Imagine you’re a 13 year old Autistic girl in Middle School. Did your perception change/shift the slightest bit?
Now imagine struggling through all the social awkwardness of trying to make and keep friends, and no matter how nice you are, you’re always running into less than friendly people who chose to focus on your differences and look past your goodness.
I can only imagine how mentally exhausting a day of school might be. So I might be inclined to think maybe if I was a 13 year old girl with Autism I’d be looking forward to coming home & getting away from school to relax. But in this story she gets to look forward to sibling bickering and being barged in on just for agreeing to share some closet space. Imagine your space and belongings being disrespected and waiting for apologies and others to make it right, but your feelings just continues to get swept under the rug like they are insignificant and unimportant.
Now imagine you’re this girl, and you’ve been saving up your gift cards for a really long time and you’ve finally decided how to spend them. So your parents take you to the store, and you carefully pick out a whole summer wardrobe! Imagine how excited you must be feeling as you wait for the cashier to ring you out! Because you know in 30 minutes or less you’re going to look sooooo cool in your new clothes.
So now I want you to imagine the confusion it causes when you ring out the first gift card, and there is zero balance. So you try another. And another. And another. And then you hear these words- “There is only $5 on all of these cards.”
Can you imagine the confusion? Racking your brain trying to remember if you had made some mistake? The embarrassment of now having to hand back all your clothes to the cashier? The final realization that someone may have STOLEN the money off the cards? The sickening sinking feeling when you consider that the person whole stole the card in the first place actually CAME BACK and replaced the empty card so not to arouse suspicion? And the heartbreak that comes from being victimized?
Excuse my language for just a second.
(There’s about to be a lot of it.)
To the fucking cocksucker who came into my home and into my daughter’s room and stole all my little girls money off these cards- there is a special place in hell for your low life skank ass. I hope you get there sooner rather than later.
And yes, we KNOW it was stolen because the cards were all used at our local stores over a period of 3 days- WHILE THE CHILDREN WERE AT THEIR FATHER’S HOUSE AN HOUR AWAY!!!!
This child has a heart and spirit of gold- and I am truly heart sick that anyone I know could single her out to do this when she already has enough shit to deal with. Fuck the person who has broken her heart, her dad’s and mine.
But then, we believe we know who was responsible, we are just unable to prove it… at this time.
I hope my daughter will never need this information, but here it is, for her (and anyone else), just in case.
I’ve made a list here of life skills every kid should know by the time they’re ready to leave home. Don’t wait until your kid isn’t a kid anymore (18+) to go over these – do it while they’re young!
Note: You can find how-to videos on youtube for any of these. I suggest watching them together and then having your kid try it himself or herself. Don’t just watch the video, it’s not enough! Real life experience is the best way to really learn something and have it stick.
Check out the link (for the skills)
1- How to respect a car and fix a car before they get one. They need to know that it is not a toy. A car requires work to keep it looking nice.
2- Open a door for your mom, your sister and your date! (And go out of your way to do it!)
3- Shake someone’s hand when you meet them – you don’t need to wait for them to reach out. Reach out to them instead. Look them in the eye, too.
4- Accept a compliment! If someone says that you played a great game, just say thank you. Don’t criticize yourself.
5- As the great basketball coach Jimmy Valvano stated, “Don’ t give up! Don’t ever give up.” You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to try your best.
6- Laugh at yourself! Don’t take yourself too seriously or others will do the same. Have fun! Enjoy life.
7- Grades matter. If your friends don’t think so, then we need to have a talk about who you are hanging out with.
8- Don’t let people put your family down. Stand up for your brothers and sister. Friends come and go, but family is forever.
9- Always be nice to your mom. She loves you more than you will ever know. A mother’s love is strong and will stay strong forever.
10- Remember that I am always your friend. Yes, I am your dad, but above all, I am your #1 fan, your friend, your ear to listen to, your shoulder to lean on, your DAD.
Now go out there & conquer the world… and then come back and tell your mom and I every last detail. We can’t wait to hear them!
1. Letting Go
You’ll learn to move on from your past. Letting go is tough but spending so much time on something is also tough. There is only so much a person can do to make something better, if it doesn’t work move on. You will learn to have a limit on how much you can hold on to.
You’ll learn to take control of your life. You learn to take care of yourself instead of impressing everyone else. You will want to take risks and try new things because you know you are now getting older. You learn to love yourself and enjoy being with yourself. Being alone is more desirable than being around with friends.
You’ll learn to know when something is right or wrong. You learn to make better choices. It is not all about partying anymore or drinking all weekend. There is more to life than fitting in and socializing.
Love is not that important and if it is than you make sure it’s worth it. Many people in their 20s are single and willing to stay single for their careers and or until they find the right person. Many students in college are more serious about their education than slacking off. When you are in your 20s you have your priorities straight. You know what you want; you just don’t know how to get there.
Although you know what you want, you have to be flexible because it will all happen very unexpectedly. Plans are not permanent and things can change any time. That is the good and bad part about being in your mid 20’s. You could be starting a job and next thing you know you are now moving to Italy. You might have no plans to be in a relationship, but next thing you know you’re getting married. The good thing is you are still young so it is going to make you feel alive and even stronger.
You will learn to explore your options. You might have to do a job that is not in your field. For some people it’s not the best option but if it’s a good opportunity, always be willing to explore it and see where it can take you.
Along with exploring come lots and lots of change. Your life will change so much in just a few years. I sometimes feel like I am much older because so much has happened in just a year. It may not seem like a lot, but when you think about high school, you will feel very old. There will only be more change and you have to open your arms and welcome it, because it is great. Yes, you will feel tired sometimes, and exhausted, you might want to give up, but it is all worth it, and you have to keep on going forward.
You will have to make choices and some serious sacrifices. While I was in school I had to live alone away from my family. I felt guilty all the time, but I knew I was doing something great not only for myself, but for my family, and our future. I know my mother is very proud of me now. It is tough but sometimes you have to be selfish, if you want to do more than the minimum. Being in school is also sacrificing the other things I could have done. I did not get to travel, or work as much. I am taking a risk no matter what I choose to do, but it all helps to where I am going.
The confidence you had when you were a teenager or the confidence you were trying to develop will not be the same as when you are in your 20s. Now this confidence will be about enjoying being you. It is being confident in all of the mistakes you made and not feeling bad about it. You will be happy and carefree not sharing the same taste in music as everyone else.
You won’t want to confine into the same stuff and routines as every person in their 20’s. Just because all your friends go to clubs doesn’t mean you have to. You will be happy just staying home and watching “The Bernie Mac Show” all day. You might even find better friends that enjoy doing the same things as you.
What you will learn the most in your 20s is that in everything that happens, there is something you will learn. You will learn life lessons in every little and big situations. You will learn to love yourself before loving others, and you will learn to change when you are ready to. There will be so many new insights about your life and you will find yourself growing and blossoming into so much more than you could ever imagine.
I reposted this from:
Check em out; you’ll be glad you did.
Click the link to see the original blog
No abuser looks like an abuser or they’d never find a victim to abuse. When you first get to know an abuser, he comes across as normal, average, like any other guy. He might be a laborer or a professional, young or old, tall or short, skinny or overweight. He might love sports, reading, or woodworking. He might be passionate about art, music, food, or animals. He might love to debate politics or be a member in good standing at church. His finances might be a disaster or in complete order. He might be messy or neat, a success at work, or a complete failure at everything. Abusers come from all groups, all cultures, all religions, all economic levels, and all backgrounds. They are usually expert manipulators and know how to be whatever you need them to be in order for them to catch you in their web.
Most abusers are men though there are women who are abusive. Most abusers are only abusive towards their partners. Sometimes partner abuse extends to the children directly (and always it extends indirectly). Outside of home, they typically control themselves to the point that no one ever suspects what goes on behind closed doors. Being able to control themselves when they want to is proof that their abuse is intentional.
There is no one, typical, detectable personality of an abuser. However, they do often display common characteristics:
He is usually heavily into pornography.
He might push for sexual closeness early in the relationship.
He has a low boiling point and will lose his temper easily and over small things. He will usually will deny that he is violent. If he acknowledges, he usually makes excuses for it and minimizes the seriousness of it. The explosions only happen in front of those he allows it to happen in front of. Others will never see it.
He will often suffer from low self-esteem and insecurity.
He might be jealous and controlling. He might accuse his victim of cheating on him when he knows she hasn’t. He wants to control everything she does.
He makes cruel “jokes”.
He has a victim mentality.
He will be inconsistent.
He is usually moody and easily set off.
He will objectify his victim. Her needs, her rights, aren’t important to him. He may see her as his property or as a sexual object that he can use for his own satisfaction.
He often blames his violence on others, on stress, or on circumstances. He may have had a “bad day” and say he exploded because of that. He might blame his actions on alcohol or drugs or on your behavior or failure to behave as he wanted you to.
He isn’t always abusive. In-between episodes of abuse, he might be “the world’s best husband” (as my mother described my father when he wasn’t drinking and abusing her). He is often seen as “a great guy” by others.
What trait would you add to the list?